


New Uniforms

by StudentOfEtherium



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Gen, Internalized Transphobia, Misgendering, One-Sided Attraction, POV First Person, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, shitty allyship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StudentOfEtherium/pseuds/StudentOfEtherium
Summary: It's the first day after summer break and Tenko has a new uniform. Actually wearing it to class is another matter. His class already knows, but this is taking things another step further. Hopefully, the day will go by uneventfully (it doesn't).
Relationships: Amami Rantaro & Chabashira Tenko, Amami Rantaro/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	New Uniforms

I wake up earlier than usual. I hadn't been able to fall asleep until later than usual the night before and in all it feels like I've gotten less than four hours of sleep. The night before, I had found myself trapped in all the possibilities of what today would bring that sleep was impossible. Now that I'm awake and the day has begun, however, all those possibilities are out of mind. It's equal parts exciting and terrifying.

I get out of bed. My room is messy. I rarely clean it. Cleaning it would mean having to pick up the scattered clothes left around. That would mean having to acknowledge those clothes as mine. In an attempt to not linger on that, I turn towards the only clothes in the room I'm comfortable with. My new school uniform. It had arrived several weeks prior and despite opening it immediately, I still hadn't put it on. Before I can do that, however, I still have to bathe. Always an unpleasant experience, the night prior I had put it off, with the understanding that it would have to be done later. I had hoped that by morning I would be fine with it, given everything else that would and is on my mind. Unfortunately, dysphoria is not so kind.

With a grimace, I step into the shower. I do my best to keep my eyes closed and ignore my body as I wash up. Easier said than done. By the time I'm done, I'm shaking and shivering. As soon as I’m out, I cover myself in a towel and hurry back to my room. It’s still dark outside, so I opt to lay in bed with the lights off while I calm down. This alien body I’m trapped in hurts so much. It’s several more minutes before I’m calm enough to sit back up. Rather than turn the light back on, I open my bedroom door and let the light from the hallway creep in. It’s still dark enough that I can't see my body aside from a vague uncomfortable outline. but enough that I can see what I am doing.

From my dresser, I pick out underwear and a bra. I hate still having to wear a bra under the new uniform, like it was betraying what it is or as if I'm still only lying about who I am.

I wouldn't lie about this. Why would I want to be like this?

As soon as I’m done with my bra, I hurry to put on the uniform. Putting it on feels more comfortable, more comforting. It feels more right. I switch the light back on and look down. Despite those two lumps, I look more right than ever before.

I hurry into the kitchen and grab some small things to eat later and shove them in my bag as I run out the door. The sun is beginning to peak over the hills on the other side of town. My parents would begin waking up soon. I've taken especial care to ensure I would be long gone by then.

I run the rest of the way to school, but knowing I would arrive early, I opt to take a longer detour. Sure, I could just be early, but why would I do that. Why would I rush myself when all that awaited me was school and my classmates?

I stop by a nearby river to eat the small breakfast I had brought with me. It doesn't take long, but when I’m done, I stay sitting. I had spent a lot of time over summer break at this clearing by the river doing exercises. I was trying to build muscle mass, but despite training nearly daily for two months straight, it wasn't enough. I wish it was more. Once I’m done, I sigh and stand up. I can only put this off for so long.

I jog the rest of the way to school. As I walk onto campus, I hang my head. With my hair now cut and the new uniform, I have no idea how recognizable I am to people outside of my class, but I don't want to risk it anyway. I hurry through the halls, passing a number of students. As I open the door to my homeroom class, I see my classmates. Nearly everyone is already here. Every last one of them turns to stare at me.

They already know. They had known before break. They have no reason to stare because nothing about me but the uniform has changed. All the same, they stare. I stand in place, paralyzed by their gaze. It lasts only seconds but it feels like hours. Once they’ve seen their fill, they turn away, returning to their conversations or turning back to their phones. Kaede, teary-eyed, walks over and hugs me.

Immediately, I started pushing against her. She had wrapped herself around me and pulled me towards her. I appreciate the intention, but the result of her action was-

I start breathing heavily and push against her some more. She finally gets what I’m trying to do and releases me. “Oh, sorry about that. I didn't mean to-” I cut her off. “It's fine.” I brush her aside and walk to my seat. Which is right next to hers. I smile at her lightly to show I have no ill will against her for it as she returns to her seat.

In the seat in front of Kaede, Shuichi turns around. “Congratulations? Is that what I'm supposed to say here?” As if sensing my indifference, he shrugs. “I know how hard today is for you. But I know it's impossible for me to know how you feel. I'm sorry it had to be like this.” I don't respond and instead turn away. With little else to do, I pull out my phone and scroll twitter until class begins. A few more students trickle in and sit down.

Then, just minutes before the bell is supposed to ring, the last student steps in. Rantaro Amami. He’s wearing a girl's uniform. I glare at him and he blushes back at me. Me specifically. Rather than sit down right away, he gives a knowing nod to the teacher and walks to the front of the classroom. He laughs nervously as he tries to find his words.

“So, uh, as you can probably see, I have a new uniform. I talked this over with Ms. Ishihara,” He gestures to the teacher at her desk. “and the principal, and.” He stops himself. “Well, I'm wearing this uniform now. I didn't know Tenko-” He cuts himself off. “Do we still call you Tenko?” I nod, glaring at him all the while. “Well, I didn't know he was also going to be changing the outfit he wears starting this semester, but seeing him like this is really comforting. Makes me feel like I'm not alone, and I hope he feels the same way.” It doesn't. Not even close. I just want him to shut up. Boys like him are-

I cut that thought short.  _ Right. _

“I hope you all can accept me like this.” He bows, then as if remembering something, continues, “Oh, and I would appreciate it if you called me Ran now.” He smiles and waves to the class. “And I want feminine pronouns, too. I'm a girl, y'know?”

I stare. Those words echo through my head. It takes me a second to recover and by the time I do, she's sitting in front of me. She turns around and greets me. “Hey Tenko. I really didn't know you'd be doing this. Sorry if I put you on the spot a little. If I'd known ahead of you, I might've tried to coordinate things with you.” I glare at her without responding.

The teacher stands up and class begins. I try putting Ran out of my mind, to little success. Through our first lesson, I keep straying back to her.  _ Her _ . She upstaged me. I don't mind that. She pulled the attention away from me. It's an attention I had already drawn to myself, the day before summer break, when I had the misfortune to have to do the same thing. It did help my nerves, somewhat, by having someone to be irritated at. But that only helps so much. It leaves me sitting here irritated at her unable to focus on anything but our situation. And worst of all, I can feel the eyes of all our classmates on us. We have the incredible misfortune to be the two students who stand out the most who also sit one in front of each other.

The bell rings and the first break begins. Rather than stick around the classroom and talk to the people around my desk like most do, I opt to leave. As I do, I pass by Himiko’s desk and gesture for her to follow me. I don't look behind to see if she's following me as I walk up to the roof. When I finally get there, I turn around and sit down. Himiko, who did end up following me, stays standing.

“So why am I up here?” I sigh and hang my head. “I don't know. We… we didn't have time to talk about this beforehand. I want to know where things stand.” I raise my head and see Himiko rolling her eyes. “I wasn't into you as a girl because I'm not gay, but you saying you're a guy doesn't mean I'm any more into you. I don't like you. I don't like you as a person, but I especially don't like you romantically. Leave me alone.”

With that, she turns around and leaves. I'm left alone in silence. I stay there for the rest of the break. A light breeze rolls across the roof. Despite my inner turmoil, it’s oddly serene.

I've been rejected by Himiko before. Frankly, I'm used to it by now. This would likely be the last time I pursue the subject with her. However, even in spite of the inevitability I had felt around this meeting, I felt satisfied. There was truly nothing more to get out of trying to make her fall for me.

Confessing to her had been my first action upon outing myself as a lesbian. She had been important to that discovery. It felt significant to tell her. The rejection stung and still stung, but in time I had found the strength to move past it. I had tried confessing to her a number of times in the past, but all had failed. It was a pointless action and I knew that. But repeating a pointless action can change things. It changed me. Through my attempts at her and my relationship with my own attraction, I had discovered more about myself. I'm not a lesbian. I never was. I'm-

I'm a guy. A boy. A straight one, at that.

I had hoped to make my first open action that day coming out to Himiko and making another confession to her. That plan fell through and I found myself coming out to the whole class instead. I was met with a variety of responses, but the one I cared about most was Himiko's. Unfortunately, she showed no clear opinion when I first came out and once the day ended, I lost my chance for several months. I promised myself I would confess one more time, even if it brought me yet another rejection.

And it had. And so I sit there.

The bell rings and I stand up. I hurry through the halls and make it back to class before it begins again. I return to my seat. With the little time we have left, Kaede tries starting a conversation with me again.

“So… Ran and I were talking and I mentioned that hug earlier that you didn't like and she explained, well, what the issue was. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I won't do that again, I promise!” I roll my eyes and turn away from her. I don't pay attention to how she responds to that.

The teacher comes back and our next class begins. I struggle to pay attention with everything on my mind. A few times, the teacher catches me zoning out. Her attempts to make me pay attention fail, but eventually she gives up. Not like Ran’s been doing any better than I have. She seems to understand.

Lunch comes and once again I bolt to the roof. I want to be alone. It’s suffocating in class with so many eyes on me. I still can’t help but feel like I’ve betrayed the other- the girls of our class. Like I chose this, but why would I  _ want _ this. I can’t fit in with the girls anymore, but the boys- the other boys are no more accepting of me.

I sit down in the shade and take out my lunch. I don’t plan to go back to class until I absolutely have to. I don’t want to be trapped in the uncomfortable atmosphere today has become. The other students, even those who try to be accepting, don’t help. There’s nothing they can do to help. Even if they could, I don’t deserve it. I lowered myself like this. I don’t deserve girls’ kindness. If I were in their position, I wouldn’t do the same.

And Ran… I’m still disgusted with her.  _ Her _ . Despite myself, I can’t find it in myself to attack her. I fucking hate her for this. For coming out like that. For being  _ her _ . But I know she’s going through this as much as I am. She might show more certainty in herself and her coming out, but I can tell she has the same anxieties underneath. You can't be like this and escape those feelings.

The door creaks open. I stare as it reveals the person opening it to be… Ran. She waves at me. I glare back.

She walks across the roof and sits down to me. I don't stop glaring.

“Hey, Tenko…” She starts. “I- I wanted to talk to you. I tried earlier, but you didn't seem responsive.” I don't respond. She sighs and hangs her head. “I really am sorry about earlier. It's just some bad luck we both decided to do this today.”

“Why are you talking to me?” She laughs nervously. “I just want to clear some things up. And I want to get to know you. This isn't easy, but I would hope that we can get through it together.”

I stay silent. “Look, I want someone to talk to. And I imagine that you don't have anyone to talk to, either.”

Picking up on my unspoken hostility, she backs off. We eat in silence for a couple minutes before she tries again. “Do you mind if I tell you about myself?” I don't look up.

“Well, I always felt more feminine than masculine. Like I was being told to be something I'm not. My whole life I wrote it off as being the result of growing up in a family with twelve sisters. I mean, who wouldn't have a feminine side with that upbringing. I spent my whole childhood being dressed up by my sisters.” She stops to laugh. “I was basically a doll for them to throw their new outfits on. I never minded, of course. It was always really nice when they did that.”

“But it's more than that. I don't just have a feminine side. I'm a girl.” He turns and smiles at me. I snear. “No you aren't, you degenerate. You can't just say you're a girl and be one. It's obvious you're just trying to get closer to girls who would otherwise stay away.”

He frowns. “Tenko…” He looks up and down at my uniform. “So would you say that you aren't… Well…” I roll my eyes. “What? That I'm not a boy? Why would I lie about this? Why the fuck would I want this?” He tries to place his hand on my shoulder. I respond by punching him in the stomach. I might not be as strong as I want to, but it's still enough to knock the wind out of him. He sits up and stares at me.

“Why do you think I chose this? Why would I  _ want  _ dysphoria?”

I can't respond to that. They sit up and return to where they were sitting. “To refute your point, if I was trying to get close to girls, why would I do this? I'm not exactly unpopular, but even without you, this has done little but alienate me. Girls already liked me, but as things are now I can't see Kirumi or Miu ever talking to me again.”

I let loose a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding, which they take as a prompt to continue. “If you took my explanation to mean I'm trying to ‘invade women's spaces’, then I'm sorry for giving you that wrong impression. I didn't bring up my sisters for that reason.” They sigh. “Not all of my sisters reacted well to this. Some did, and I was careful about how I told them, but some haven't spoken to me since the day I told them. It hurts, especially when we got along so well before. But I don't regret my choice. Hiding this would've done me no good because I'd just be lying about who I am.”

She leans back against the fence. “So that's what’s up with me. This is what I wanted to talk about.” I nod.

“Sorry.”

“It's fine.” We sit in silence for a few minutes before I say anything else. “My parents still heavily disapprove of me. They keep insisting I should go back to being the sweet and nice girl I used to be. I wish I could…” Ran shakes her head. “That's rough. My parents are alright about it. They mostly stay quiet about it, but I think they still think this is just a phase for me.” She looks up at the cloudless sky. “I don't know if I'd want this any other way. I guess I need to wait and see. It's only been a day.”

She pauses for a second, before correcting herself, “A day in class, that is. My family's known for a bit over a month. Shuichi too, of course. He was always going to be the first person I told. I wanted to know if our relationship would survive this. I'm glad he understands and accepts me like this. I don't know what I would've done otherwise. And I always just get so happy whenever he calls me his girlfriend.” She smiles and fidgets with her dress. I smile at her faintly. “I'm glad you have him. Must be nice.” She nods, before stammering a response. “Sorry. I don't mean to brag or anything.” I shake my head. “It's fine. Things are better for you, however so slightly. That's not your fault.”

I laugh a little. “I kinda wish I did have a brother though. Unfortunately, I'm an only sibling.” Ran joins in laughing. “Would you take a sister? I've got a few to spare.” I roll my eyes at that.

We stay on the roof chatting for a few more minutes before the bell rings. As we pack up, Ran pulls out her phone. “You don't have my number, right? Maybe we should exchange our numbers. I like talking to you and I'm glad I have someone else who understands this. I mean, I've had Shuichi, and I really appreciate how much he tries, but talking to you is… different.” I nod. “I- I'd be fine with that. Thanks.” I take my phone out and we type our numbers into each other's phones. She's my first classmate to offer exchanging numbers with me. It feels nice.

We return to class together. We attract stares as we walk into the classroom, but it's something I've gotten used to. Our last class of the day begins and flies by in an instant. Even if I'd been capable of paying attention before lunch, there's no way I could now. By the time it's over, I'm ready to go. I pack my bag and bolt out the door.

I take my time going home. I only hurried from the classroom because of the suffocating atmosphere. I don't want to go home just yet. With nothing else to do, I return to the riverside. I settle in and plan to stay there for a while, but it's only a few minutes later I hear a voice behind me. “Tenko?” I turn around and see Ran again, walking up the hill with Shuichi and Kaede. “I didn't know you live around here.” I stand up and join the others. “I live a ways away, but this is on my way to school. If I take the long way, that is.” She nods. “I see, I see. Well, this works out well. Wanna join us the rest of the way?” I shake my head. “Sorry. I was planning to stay here a while longer. Don't want to go home just yet.” She nods. “Alright. Another day, maybe.” I shrug. “Maybe.”

I return to the bench and that group leaves. Before long, the sun starts to set. I love the light bouncing off the river. It's a sight I saw many times while out here at break. I stayed until the sun had gone down. Mom would probably be making dinner by this point. If I was any later, I'd probably get yelled at. Maybe if I hurry I can change out of my uniform before it's done.

I stand up and start running up the hill. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay so like the big thing i want to clarify here is that while the characters lean pretty heavily into "being trans isn't a choice", that's not something i agree with and in the context of this fic it should be seen as yet another of the myriad incorrect opinions they (especially Tenko) have about gender. there's a lot more i could say about that, but frankly, AO3 end notes aren't the place to go into that. idk gender isn't real and "trans" is a constructed modern label
> 
> THAT ASIDE
> 
> this was kinda hard to write because transphobia isn't fun to write, especially when it's self-loathing transphobia. given Tenko's misandry in canon, it's hard to imagine he wouldnt hate himself over that, but that doesn't make it easier to write. i think it works as far as the story goes but i hope this fic is a one-off in terms of tone and content. like a lot of my stuff, this might get a sequel, especially because i'd like to get the characters here in a less, uh, hostile situation


End file.
